I've been thinking about the direction I want to go with my art and my life in general, and have come up with absolutely NOTHING! Ok, not quite true, but I still feel like I'm floundering as bad as I did in high school. Oh, I have plenty of ideas and such, but no real direction. And that's always been my problem. No direction and no one to help guide me. Much of it is my own fault, since I have done nothing towards joining the local art community and have never really sought out a mentor since school. I'm an isolationist most of the time, too scared of rejection to reach out and always feeling like an outcast when I try. So, yeah, that's kinda where I'm at right now.

As a result, I've been looking more into myself in a (mostly vain) attempt at rectifying this sad situation. What I've found is that I'm a verifyable mess in need of major counselling! Unfortunately, that requires money, which I don't have. So, I've been working on a few pics and some writing hoping to (at the very least) get this shit of my head where it can stop haunting me and maybe I can examine it more objectively. So you can expect a lot of psychological pieces from me in the coming weeks/months/until the end of time. May be some of my regular photography as well, though I really have been missing my lake! My last two additions have been in this vein, and I have already started on my next one.

If there's anyone who can help me figure out this whole CSS thing for the journals, I would greatly appreciate it! I know there's tutorials out there, but I'm not really sure what to look for. If someone could point me in the right direction, I'll be forever in your debt!

Also, I am working on my backload of deviations and messages. It's just that I've been on here so seldom as of late that they really have piled up! Sorry it's taking me so long, But I have seen a lot of interesting additions from those I'm watching, so this may take a bit!

Look, I'm trying to pull myself out of my little, not-so-comfy shell at the moment and get into things again like I once did. Any help here would really be hot!

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I mentioned music in the title but haven't yet mentioned it here. Music is just as important to me as my art, and my psychology is reflected by it. But then, I guess that's true for most everyone. I'm working on some ideas for incorporating my heaviest musical influences into my art and writingas well, so we'll just see how that goes.

Today's not-so-random song lyrics are brought to you today by Faith-No-More's THE REAL THING:

"To touch the roots of experience
The most basic ingredients
To see the unseen glitter of life
And feel the dirt, grief, anger and strife
Cherish the certainly of now
It kills you a bit at a time
Cradle the inspiration
It will leave you writhing on the floor...
This is so unreal, what i feel
This nourishment, life is bent
Into a shape i can hold
A twist of fate, all my own
Just grit your teeth, make no sound
Take a step away and look around
Just clench your fist and close your eyes
Look deep inside, hypnotize
The whisper is but a shout
That's what it is all about
Yes, the ecstasy, you can pray
You will never let it slip away"



--later--